are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
