Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
