It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
