I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
