I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
