I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
