whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
