Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
