I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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