I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
