i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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