I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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