i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
