we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize