hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
