did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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