She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
