New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
