he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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