youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
