be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
