Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
