I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
