My liver just broke up with me...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
