false alarm. still invincible.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
