Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
