my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
