I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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