so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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