i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
