Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
