i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
