well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
