I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
