he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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