I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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