Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
