just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
