Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pooping to opera.
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