I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
