You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
