my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
