There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
