Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
