I hate all girls vehemently.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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