The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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