are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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