Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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