I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
