i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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