the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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