Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wear drunk well.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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