I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
