I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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