He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
