I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
