Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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