Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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