best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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