just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
