I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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