I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
