so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
